Welcome To The Elementary Guild,
The Most Powerful Guild In The Middle-Earth
What's new
Application Sheet is not available, but please read Requirements! 16.2. The Elementary Guild has been quiet for a long while, but I promise, there will be something new as soon as possible! For Finnish pageviewers - check also some written adventures where the Elementary Guild has played very important role.
Index
1. What is the Elementary Guild 1.1. Why was the Elementary Guild founded 1.2. Basic Fundamentals of the Elementary Guild 2. How to become a Member of the Elementary Guild 2.1. Who can become a Member of the Elementary Guild 2.2. What is required to become a Member of the Elementary Guild 2.2.1. Becoming an Initiate 2.2.2. Becoming a Member 3. Brandyball 3.1. Rules 3.1.1. Brandyball Field 3.1.2. Brandyball Teams 3.1.3. Brandyball Coaching Staff 3.1.4. Brandyball Referee 3.1.4.1. 2-Minutes Penalties 3.1.4.2. 5-Minutes Penalties 3.1.4.3. 10-Minutes Penalties 3.1.4.4. 20-Minutes Penalties 3.1.4.5. Combined Penalties 3.2. Special Rules 3.3. Eqipment 3.3.1. Uniforms 3.3.2. Brandybottle 3.4. Brandyball League 4. History and Future of the Elementary Guild 4.1. Timeline 4.2. Some of the Guild's Legendary Achievements 4.3. Guild's Things to do in Future 5. Titles of the Elementary Guild 6. The Elementary Guild's Ways to Communicate 6.1. Brandyish 6.1.1. About Himoloot 6.2. Signal Language 7. Of Elves 7.1. History of Elves 7.2. Present of Elves 7.3. Future of Elves
1. What is the Elementary Guild
The Elementary Guild is a non-commercial organisation, which tries to bring some justice to the Middle-Earth. The Elementary Guild is powered (but unfortunately not sponsored) by Brandy.
1.1. Why was the Elementary Guild founded
The idea of the Elementary Guild came from Kuittaa Lisää's head. He thought it would be nice to have a some safe haven for those who possessed extraordinary sharp senses; for those who could perceive everything. With his best friend Barty, who also seemed to have this gift of perception, they named the guild. The name of the guild symbolises the difficulty of perceiving things to the guild's Members: Elementary.
The Elementary Guild is also trying to teach to all parties who adventure in the Middle-Earth that there must be at least one Initiate or Member of the Elementary Guild among the adventurers. If Party lacks an Initiate or a Member, then party's future is doomed, and they cannot survive.
As Kuittaa and Barty are sworn enemies of The Element Guild; the name also mocks them. Besides, when The Element Guild is destroyed and Ardor is ruled from the Court Of Barty, the Elementary Guild's Members can achieve the ultimate power to rule the whole Middle-Earth.
1.2. Basic Fundamentals of the Elementary Guild
Basic idea of the Elementary Guild is to promote Kuittaa's and Barty's superiority over others. This can be done in many ways and in fact, Kuittaa's and Barty's flawless co-operation has saved party more that once and has given extremely useful information to the party. The Elementary Guild doesn't know the word "failure". So far none of the Elementary Guild's activities has failed.
Secondly; the Elementary Guild is dedicated to Brandy. As it says in the Restrictions -part, all Initiatives must drink Brandy whenever possible. In future Guild's Fathers will start making their own Brandy. Kuittaa has also thought about importing his home-country's famous product, Koskenkorva, to the Guild.
Thirdly; Elves are considered as lesser beings of Arda. Only culture below them are orcs. So far only use for elves have been as either cannon fodder or then bowmen, wimping behind more powerful Members. Sometimes they can identify some lousy items, which give shocks when the Elementary Guild Members touches them. Naturally, none of these items can harm a Member, but it still is annoying. So, it's strongly recommended to despise Elves and not to trust them.
Fourthly; Half-Men (as Kuittaa calls them, in Westron Dwarves and Umli) are considered as good people. It is unheard that a Half-Men has refused to take Brandy from a Member of the Elementary Guild. This is considered as a good trait in people. So far there are two Half-Man who have achieved the Elementary Guild's favor: these are G-Mies, Umli and Dûkat, Dwarf. G-Mies is Kuittaa's personal bodyguard, and Dûkat understands the Elementary Guild's attitude and behaviour towards the Elves.
2. How to become a Member of the Elementary Guild
Becoming a Member of the Elementary Guild is not the easiest thing in the world. It's a long and hard process, and you must prepare your mind and body for severe exercises. These include several days lasting Brandy -drinking session, which is rumored to be most hardest thing to complete in whole Arda! Also, there are other several restrictions and more are invented all the time.
2.1. Who can become a Member of the Elementary Guild
So far there are only two Members, Kuittaa Lisää and Barty. In theory, everyone can become a Member.
2.2. What is required to become a Member of the Elementary Guild
Memberhood is long process. First you must spend at least one year as an Initiate, and then see if you are good enough to become a Member of the Elementary Guild.
2.2.1. Becoming an Initiate
First you must become Initiate. Instructions are found from the very bottom of this page. When Application is sent, the Elementary Guild's High Leaders have a meeting. Due the other business of High Leaders, these meetings usually takes place on Saturdays. If you are accepted, you're name is added to the Titles of the Elementary Guild section, so drop often to see if you qualify.
2.2.2. Becoming a Member
The Elementary Guild has several restrictions, which must be followed as well as possible. If an Initiate fails in three, he is not allowed to become a Member. If an Initiate fails in two, Guild's Headmen may hold a meeting and decide the fate of the Initiate. These meetings usually lasts 30 seconds, so decicions are made quickly and Initiate is spared from anxiousness. Additionally, each Initiate must pass three tests, which are held on every Summer. First test is Brandy-drinking contest. Second is Brandyball Tournament, and the Third is Brandyish-test.
Below are restrictions and rules of the Elementary Guild. 1. No Elf can become a Member of Elementary Guild, unless somehow accepted by Kuittaa or Barty. This has happened once in Guild's history. There are few Initiates, though. 2. Initiates must achieve at least 3 "Elementary, my dear boy" -results from "Awareness - Senses" skill category table OR from "Power Awareness" skill category table. Some Initates are required even more. As a general rule, Elven Initates must achieve at least 30 results like abowe. 3. Initiates must be normal humanoids. If Initiate is some weird freak, like man-dog (mother dog, father human) he/she is required to do something special to the Elementary Guild. This varies from extra "Elementary, my dear boy" -results to thousands of gallons of Brandy -contributions. 4. Initiates must promote, buy and drink Brandy whenever it is possible. If it's a choice between food and Brandy, Brandy must win. 5. The Elementary Guild holds the Brandyball Middle-Earth Championship-tournament each Summer, where Initiates can show what they have learned about the Brandyball. Note! This rule is NOT used yet, because rules of the Brandyball are not fully invented! 6. The Elementary Guild's own language called 'Brandyish' is recommended to be spoken whenever it's possible! Brandyish must be spoken when Initiate drinks Brandy. Note! This rule is used yet, because basics of Brandyish are under work. 7. Initiate must dislike Elves of all kind. There may be, however, exceptions. If an Elf donates something with great value to the guild or saves life of the Guild's Member or initate, High Leaders may hold a meeting to decide wheter that particular Elf is so called 'Good Elf'. So far there are zero 'Good Elves', and it seems that there will never be one. 8. No Brandy is allowed to be given to an Elf. This is considered as one of the worst things that an Initiate can do. Brandy is forbidden even from Initiate Elves! If Initiate gives Brandy to an Elf or Initiate Elf drinks Brandy, the Initiate is immediately expelled. In addition, other Initiates may have not any activity with expelled person.
3. Brandyball
Brandyball was invented on one afternoon, when Kuittaa and Barty were drinking Brandy. They thought that some group game involving Brandy would be nice. So, they came up the idea of the Brandyball. The name "Brandyball" comes from Brandy, the Drink, and from the way how Brandyflask can be used for fun. Below are more detailed explanations of this valiant game.
Idea of the Brandyball is to score more goals than opponent does, and drink Brandy as much as possible. Third thing which affects the result is the number of passed-out players. All of these gives Victory Points (VP), and the Team who has more VP's is a winner.
Each goal Team scores is awarded with one Victory Point. Each gallon of drank Brandy is awarded with two Victory Points. Each pass-out player in the Team is awarded with minus one VP. Thus it is obvious that to win the Team has to drink lot of Brandy, but avoid passing out. Scoring is not that essential.
Example: Brandy Drinkin' Bastards score three goals and drink five gallons of Brandy. Unfortunately they have four passed-out players. Thus their total Victory Point's are 3 x 1 + 5 x 2 - 4 x 1 = 9. Rath-Ínen Constant Customers scores one goal, drink eight gallons of Brandy and have seven passed-out players. Their VP's are 1 x 1 + 8 x 2 - 7 x 1 = 10. Thus Rath-Ínen Constant Customers WINs!
3.1. Rules
Rules are always under continous construction. The Elementary Guild is trying to improve these rules so that Brandyball can be played in as many situations as possible.
3.1.1. Brandyball field
Brandyball is played in swimming pool or in lake or in other suitable place where is enough water (abt. 1 meter = ~3 feet). Playing area is called Field. The water (or other suitable liquid) is needed to prevent the breakege of Brandyflask when it is thrown and misscatched. In any case, different borders must be clearly marked. Borders include sidelines, goal areas, midline, penalty box, reserve box and Pass-out box.
Size of the field is not limited. Suggestions are between 3x6 to 32x64 meters. Larger the field is the more exhausting the game will be, and players will consume more Brandy. Midline is horizontal line and goes exactly in the middle of the field.
Goal Areas are about 2 x size of the field.
Penalty Box is for penalties, and it is located outside of the field itself. Penalty Box's one side must touch the endline of the Field. Penalty Box's sides are roughly about 1x4 meters.
Pass-out box is for those players who take too much of Brandy. Unlike Penalty Box, pass-out box's one side doesn't have to touch the sideline of the Field. In some cases it would be lethal it pass-out players are taken underwater. Actual size of the pass-out box is unimportant, but its borders must be seen.
Reserves Box is for reserve players and Coaching Staff. Like Penalty Box, its one side must touch the Field, but this time sideline. Size of RB is about 2x4 meters.
3.1.2. Teams
Game is played between two Teams, which each have 4 players on field at the same time. Total maximum number of players in Team is 12.
3.1.3. Coaching Staff
Coaching Staff includes the Head Coach, maximum of two Assistant Coaches, the Brandy Supplier and the Doctor. Coaching Staff must stay out of the field, except in few special cases (see Special Rules below).
Head Coach is the guy who shouts, barks and swears in the Reserves Box. He's the one who designs the Team's tactics and takes care of player acquiring. He negotiates with Team's Leading Staff (General Manager (GM) etc.) and reports Team's doings to them.
Assistant Coaches usually create training programs for players and monitor player progress. Sometimes they act as scouts. They also act like psychiatrists; their duty is to go to drink some Brandy and listen player's sorrows.
The Brandy Supplier takes care of Team's Brandy Supplies. It is his duty to see that Brandyflasks in the Reserve's Box are always full. He negotiates with Brandy-producing specialized farms for new Brandy Supplements.
The Doc is needed to heal in case some accidents happen on the Field. Even though Brandyball is quite safe game to play, occasionally different Team's player's may have some quarrels, and somebody may get hurt. The Doc also takes care of pass-out players; he checks that they can sleep safely without choking themselves.
3.1.4. Brandyball Referee
The Ref is law and order. What he says about the gameplay is what players must obey. The Ref must know all of the rules perfectly. Additionally, the Ref must be atleast an Initiate of the Elementary Guild. An Elf can never be the Ref.
The Ref is allowed to give penalties from breaking rules. There are four kind of penalties (reasons for these are discussed later): 2 min penalty, 5 min penalty, 10 min penalty and 20 min penalty. Additionally, the Ref can give 2 + 2 min penalty, if needed.
3.1.4.1. 2-Minutes Penalties
3.1.4.2. 5-Minutes Penalties
3.1.4.3. 10-Minutes Penalties
3.1.4.4. 20-Minutes Penalties
20 Minutes Penalties are given very seldom, only about once per Game. The Ref can give this major penalty from only one reason: The Breaking of the Brandy Flask.
3.1.4.5. Combined Penalties
3.2. Special Rules
When accident occurs, and the Referee blows his whistle, both Teams are allowed to send the Doc and both Assistant Coaches to the Field to heal possible injuries. They must carry the injured player out of the Field as soon as possible, and place him to the Reserves Box. Injury doesn't mean that player is passed-out!
When the Doc and AC's are on the Field, all playing is stopped until the Referee sees it approporiate to continue.
3.3. Equipment
3.3.1. Uniforms
3.3.2. Brandybottle
3.4. Brandyball League
4. History and Future of the Elementary Guild
4.1. Timeline
Third Age:
- 11.09.1615 Kuittaa Lisää is born.
- 29.11.1621 Kuittaa makes his first "Elementary my dear boy" -result
- 01.12.1627 Kuittaa learns his first spell
- 02.12.1627 Kuittaa has his first hangover
- 18.04.1630 Kuittaa meets Ms. Monipenni
- 26.06.1633 Kuittaa marries Mrs. Monipenni
- 27.03.1634 Kuittaa's Daughter is born
- 07.01.1640 Kuittaa is sent to complete a mission in Ardor.
- 26.06.1640 Kuittaa meets Barty the Hathorian
- 19.07.1640 Kuittaa and Barty decide to establish the Elementary Guild
- 10.09.1640 Barty and Kuittaa invent Brandyball and it's basics.
- 15.09.1640 Kuittaa brings the idea of Brandyish.
- 05.10.1640 Barty got killed by a Wind of Taurung, and his shirt was pierced!
- 06.10.1640 Barty was resurrected.
- ??.10.1640 Kuittaa was killed by three wargs.
- ??.10.1640 Kuittaa was resurrected.
4.2. Some of Guild's Legendary Achievements
These are not in any specific order
4.3. Guild's Things to do in Future
- Finish the rules of the Brandyball
- Create Brandyish
- Research a spell 'Create Brandy'
- Avenge piercing of Barty's Shirt to Winds of Taurang
5. Titles of the Elementary Guild
General things about Titles: So far Kuittaa and Barty (and their pet animals) are only ones who are allowed to use any Title of the Elementary Guild except Title 'The Initiate of the Elementary Guild'. Others are called Initiates, which in fact, is an Honorable Title itself! Titles are awarded by Kuittaa and/or Barty.
The Founder of the Elementary Guild.....: Kuittaa, Barty The High Leader of the Elementary Guild : Kuittaa, Barty The Warlord of the Elementary Guild.....: Barty The High-General of Army : Barty The General of Army.....................: Kuittaa The Master Interrogator : Kuittaa The Master Herbalist....................: Barty The Ultimate Judge of Brandyball : Kuittaa, Barty The Title of Slaying an (evil) Elf......: Barty, Kuittaa, G-Mies, Dûkat, Goti the Man-Dog, Ramon The Master of Invisibility : Kuittaa The High Healer of Elementary Guild.....: Kuittaa, Barty The Initiate of the Elementary Guild....: Ilfirin (an ELF!) The Initiate of the Elementary Guild : ShakesBea (First Initiate outside the group) The Initiate of the Elementary Guild....: Gurh (a.ka. Guru, GooM) (An Attitude Dwarf!) The Initiate of the Elementary Guild....: Ramon (Second Initiate outside the group)
6. The Elementary Guild's Ways to Communicate
In addition to Middle-Earth's other lesser languages the Elementary Guild has developed some special ways to communicate with other Members or Initiates. These are hand signals and Brandyish. It's extremely important to know both ways!
6.1. Brandyish
Brandyish is primarily used when drinking Brandy. Of course, if a Initiate or Member wants, it can be used whenever wanted. Using Brandyish is recommended when dealing with Elves, who think they are greatest in the Middle-Earth and know everything.
Brandyish is a mixture between Labba, Westron, Hathor and Sindarin. It's mostly Labba though.
Here are some examples of Brandyish: (Notice that after each of these statements comes the part "And Now: ESSEN!". It should be like "And Now: DRINK!", but due to some unknown reason it has become a habit to say it in this way.)
Notice also that everything is shouted. In normal conversation it is allowed to say these using normal volume, but when drinking Brandy, it is essential to shout. The louder you shout, the better you will be understood. This has been empirically proved by Members of the Elementary Guild. Using loud voice is also important when talking in crowded areas. Alas, there's a one drawback. Speaking loudly arouses unwanted attention. This doesn't matter the Members, but some Initiates may feel themselves troubled.
6.1.1. About Himoloot
Himoloot is something very valuable loot to claim, like always-full magical brandy bottle. Himoloots are quite rare, which should be obvious. It is rumored that Elves consider some scrawny rings called Nenya, Narya and Vilya as himoloot. The Elementary Guild doesn't bother for such trinkets; instead the Elementary Guild is constantly searching The Legendary Tome of Rules of the Brandyball. This artifact is rumored to exist - so far none have seen it.
6.2. Signal Language
Different signals have different levels of importance. Most important signal is "let's drink!" -signal and most unimportant is something like "yes, it's an elf...".
7. Of Elves
-
Since Kuittaa has heard lots of complaining (from Elves, mostly) about
how the Elementary Guild treats Elves, some clarifications are needed.
Below are some discussion about Elves, their history, motivations etc. In
other words, below is 'Everything you need to know about Elves'.
7.1. History of Elves
-
The Elementary Guild's Official Elven History Lore is considered as one of
the greatest secrets of the Elementary Guild. That is why it is in
Brandyish. Here is now, with permission of the Author, Adna the Hobbit, full tale about Birth of Elves! It tells also about how
Elves got pointed ears. Of course this is quite a sad tale, but
knowledge increases pain. So, now that the truth of origins of the Elves is
revealed, it's time to discuss about today's Elves.
7.2. Present of Elves
Some things about Elves is discussed in section 1.2. and some things in section 2.2.2.. Naturally, there is an urge to discuss about such a serious topic. Of course, there is no reason to despise Elves in general, but due their strange (and annoying) behaviour this discussion is needed.
7.3. Future of Elves
Future of Elves is doomed. In their Great Wisdom the Leaders of the Elementary Guild have come to that conclusion. This Doom comes from surprising source, and Elves are not ready to hear it yet. Else they might try to prevent (they are so studip they would try that) what is irrevocable. We shall tell it to everyone, when the World is ready to hear it.
If you have any questions concerning the guild, or just want to comment this page, or if you wish to become an Initiate of the Elementary Guild, please send mail and apply! On the application reasons why would we accept YOU to our guild must be found, with small personal backround and other interesting facts about how do you match with the Elementary Guild's rules and restrictions. An applicator agrees that the High Leaders of the Elementary Guild and the creator of this page are are not held liable from any costs, physical- or mental harm, direct or indirect damage etc. that applicating, reading this page or whatever you do may cause to applicator's or any participicant's health, software, hardware, car, TV, Role-Playing Games, Neighbourg's dogs, Moon or to the whole Universe.